Let’s do magnets, not labels.

Labels are forever. Whether they are put on grocery store items or on people, their purpose doesn’t change: they stick, name, identify and categorise permanently.

Magnets, on the other hand, move. They decorate, enrich, shift positions, get replaced and brought back.

Choosing how to express your gender or sexual identity can be incredibly overwhelming; it’s a lot of pressure to look for a couple of words to represent you in all of your complexity - FOREVER! The idea of a permanent label (and the pressure society adds to this already stressful process) contradicts our human nature, which is constantly evolving and changing when adequately supported and encouraged.

That’s why I don’t do labels, but magnets. It’s an idea I read somewhere* years ago, and has stuck with me since. I believe associating your identity and its multiple facets with the image of colourful objects that move and may or may not fit on the fridge depending on the moment is simply reassuring.

Finding words to talk about yourself does not have to be something that terrifies you - it can excite you. It’s the opportunity to find a community, to understand yourself and be understood by others. This is harder to do if fear and anxiety are the emotions leading the whole operation.

A simple switch in the images and stories we tell ourselves can have a great impact on our experience of different situations and our ability to handle the feelings these bring.

So the next time you are thinking about how to identify yourself with one sexuality or gender, try looking for a magnet you like (or two, or three, or as many as you want on your fridge) instead of the perfect label - and observe how that makes you feel. Because the things you say about yourself are only supposed to comfort, not oppress.

*Unfortunately I don’t remember where - if you know please get in touch so I can give credit for this brilliant thing.